Who ya gonna call....

You can thank me later for singing Ghostbusters and it now being stuck in your head for the day! No, we aren't talking about paranormal behavior or the removal of such, today we are talking about those that you reach out to - "who ya' going to call?" - for support, help, a shoulder, a hand or just to spend time with. The people who help to complete your circle of support - your Top 3 -who are they and why do you need them?

In 1993, Dr. Robin Dunbar, an Oxford professor and British anthropologist, conducted a study to examine the number of relationships one will have in a lifetime. The chart here shows his breakdown. He derived this number by studying the neocortex (part of the brain that possess conscience thought) and theorized humans were able to handle an average of 150 meaningful relationships in the course of a lifetime. It is important to note that 150 is categorized as "meaningful relationship friends" which means that when we see these people, we are able to connect in a back and forth conversation without feeling awkward. Since this study, other professors have argued this number is too small. With the advent of social media, people have hundreds of Facebook "friends" and therefore the number should be significantly higher. But this begs the question - how meaningful are those relationships? Is the pressure to maintain a relationship causing us to withdraw? What is our virtual relationship like vs true in person bonding?

When we have news to share, the modern method is social media. But before sharing it publicly to all of our friends and acquaintances, who are the first few people you want to speak with? Do you share your news all at once or reach out to your "Top 3"? When something big happens, my husband is my first call. He gets the good, the bad, and the ugly. I remember our former pastor saying that your spouse should be your best friend and ultimately the first one you would want to reach out to. Then who? I have a childhood friend who is the next one I reach out to. She has known me all my life - was there for all the big moments but more importantly the little ones as well. We can sometimes go months without talking but when we do, it's as if no time has passed. My parents apartment building burned down a few years ago and she was the first call. She listened to my silent tears and waited until I was ready to talk. She has known me and my family her entire life and I hers. In these moments, we understand what internal debates the other is having as they process these types of traumas. We don't offer a solution because that's not the purpose of the call. The purpose of that relationship is comfort. That knowledge that outside of my family, she is someone who is there for me in both my sorrow and my joy. In my adult life, I have made friends who support me in other ways that are equally necessary. I am there for them when they need that support as well.

During the lockdowns of 2020, there were significant increases in cases of loneliness and depression. Having the comfort and support of human beings is integral to our survival. Recognizing the need to share deep thoughts and feelings and get honest feedback is critical to our happiness. During my recent vacation, I spent hours on the beach talking with friends about a variety of topics. We solved all the problems of the world while staring at the ocean! These relationships are newer and were formed through, of all things, exercise! We have shared concerns about health with each other and discussed family life, career, as well as adapting to these new phases in our lives. Beginning new friendships as an adult rather than a child or even as a single young adult, take on a different tone right from the beginning. We are entering this with a level of maturity and ability to discern the value of that relationship. We are fully aware of the need to give more than we take and be grateful for these friends. We do not take it for granted. Life is short and our friends are there to bring joy - if you have someone you haven't talked to in awhile, pick up the phone or send a message. Let those important people know how important they are in your life. None of us know what the future holds so let your circle know their value in your life. Thank you all for being a part of mine! To be continued.......