What size do you wear...and other inappropriate questions

After my last post, the topic of body image has been discussed among my friends. Why is it that people assume it's ok to comment on someone's appearance-worse always targeting those vulnerable areas?!?! It's not ok! A friend with a large chest was once asked if she had to special order bras because "you can't possibly buy that in a store". A petite friend was asked what size she wore because she was thin. All those insecurities were raging in their heads! As someone with very thick and naturally curly hair, I'm constantly struggling with growing it out and appropriately styling. Prior to a speaking event, a woman commented that she didn't recognize me with my long hair. I said thank you and smiled and she replied, "it's not a compliment, long hair is not becoming on you". Excuse me while I pick my jaw up from the floor on my way to speak in front of a room of people - all who would be staring at my ugly head.

Alison Lumbatis, the owner and founder of Outfit Formulas, https://outfitformulas.com/

a site that helps women design outfits by shopping their closet and adding a few basic pieces, recently spoke about this on an Instagram story. In preparing for her summer wardrobe formulas, she was saying that this is a difficult season, more of our body is exposed and we tend to be very self conscious. This successful woman said when she takes a selfie "the bullies in my head are there". Yikes! If she has them, what hope is there for the rest of us? But she goes on to say "you do not have to qualify through others, to have body image issues...we all have them". Instead she encourages us to take control and use this as empowerment! She often says "life is short...wear the shorts". It's time to own our insecurities!

But it's also time to stop the conversation about someone's appearance. My friend was having a conversation about bra shopping and the comment was made in the context of challenges to buy a certain size, but she has had people ask when it wasn't a conversation she had begun. My petite friend was asked about her size by someone who was attempting to compliment her but that is the "bully" that lives in her head. All these comments do is feed that internal demon - 'oh they must notice it too' is the thought we have. It destroys our confidence and keeps us from living our authentic lives.

It's time for us to put on the red knit dress and own it-lumps and bumps! Yes, there are rude people and there is nothing we can do about that. When the woman commented on my hair, I swallowed hard and said "thank you for sharing that with me" and walked away. Meanwhile, I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide! As I spoke that day, I saw the people smiling at me and realized that for every rude person, there is the one who says something nice. Sometimes it's jealousy, but sometimes you just can't please everyone! It's not our job to make others feel comfortable in their skin, it's our job to be our authentic self and live like.....