Why your partner doesn't "make" you happy

My husband and I just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary. We began dating 32 years ago and have officially been together for more than half our lives. In the midst of the well wishes for our anniversary was the comment "I'm glad he makes you happy". Truth be known, he doesn't make me happy, he contributes to my happiness. I make myself happy. What does that mean? In order to be happy and content in any relationship, you have to first be happy and content with yourself. How can you possibly expect that someone else will make you happy before you even know what it is that makes you happy?

Bart and I met in July of 1990 while heading to the PATH train in the World Trade Center. At the ripe old age of 25 and 26, we thought we were so mature. Looking at this photo now, we were true babies! I had been working in the city for about nine months and he had just recently begun working in New York as well. We began dating and learning about each other. Bart was focused on establishing himself as a successful Wall Street broker-a career that many aspired to at that time. The competition was fierce and he was focused. I was also working on Wall Street on the operations side of the business. Although I understood the business, and had successfully passed Series 7 and 8 licensing exams, I also knew Wall Street was probably not my career. I was unsure where I wanted to land and was not fulfilled in that area of my life. We spoke of where I may head quite often and it was during this time that I truly understood the need to be solid on your own footing before sharing your life with someone else. We dated for four years before getting married and during that time, we continued to mature as individuals in addition to growing as a couple.

Through our years together we have experienced all the same challenges that everyone faces, children, sickness, death, financial discussions, bought and sold property, moving, and countless laughs and tears. We are each other's best friend and share everything. Opening yourself up to another person is extremely scary! Exposing all the vulnerabilities of yourself and your raw soul is a chance that many people don't take. In order for us to be successful and happy as a couple, we have to be willing to take a good hard look at our innermost being and come to terms with who we are...deep down. How can I share my life with someone if I don't know what makes me happy? If I don't know what fills all my "tanks"? If I'm not comfortable in my own body, my own mind, my own soul...how can I expect to share that with someone else? Being willing to expose yourself to someone else is a leap of faith, but the reward is so worth it. We do have differences of opinion and that's natural; but on the major aspects of our life as a couple and as parents, we agree and support each other. He's the first one I share good news with but he's also the first person I snap at when I'm upset. But at the end of the day, I'm blessed to have him by my side.

If you are still struggling to find that inner source of your happiness, look at yourself-your true self - your inner self.

Do you feel your body is the source of your unhappiness? What are you putting into it? How are you fueling it? Are you constantly eating unhealthy and/or consuming too much alcohol? Are you not eating enough? Your mind-what are you fueling your mind with? Are you reading rather than scrolling? When you scroll are you succumbing to the Comparison Game or are you just checking in? Are you reading motivational books, books that can teach or even fun fiction books? Your spirit - do you spend time in reflection? No one can complete those tanks for you - only you can do that. Once you do, you will find yourself a happier person and able to be happy with the one you love. I am happy with my husband, not because of my husband. I am also happy to live like.....